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Found 29 results

  1. Hello all! We've been on a Hiatus from this community for some reason and It's thrown us off a bit, sooooo... Let's do a forum post! Thanks to Pink Streamers for showing us this community. Now, onto the bigger stuff. We have two new members to our group! Apple Jack and Rarity. AJ has been keeping the wonderland very tidy and sustainable, so much that we have our own crops!!! None of us knew how to, but she just went for it! Rarity is our resident dress making queen with already in 1 month making about 30 dresses. They all look stunning! But it's a shame we can't draw, otherwise we'd draw them and show them here! Onto the rest of us. Lagonir has finally finished her Changeling hive, and I must say, It is impressive. She has put so much work into keeping it safe from attacks and has already started to get the npc's! Now, I can't ignore this. Fluttershy has a really beautiful human form. Like, it is absolutely amazing. We have found an exact duplicate of here, but it's rather lewd, so if you want to see it, pm/dm us either here or on Discord. Pinkie also has a lewd Human form, again, pm/dm for it. [Coming up to my birthday! It's tomorrow!! May 9. Other than that, School is bland but it's getting better, so that's a good thing ^^] <Caramel, who is my daughter, is doing a ton of magical practice. Kinda like me when I was younger, but she studies with Pudding and Astral some times. When she isn't studying, she's playing with Pudding and Astral. I'm very proud of her! I'm just worried about when she starts studying dark and corrupt magic..> -PUDDING IS THE BEST BAKING ASSISTANT EVER!!!!!!!- Astral is starting to think about getting a Unicorn form. I'm really happy for that and she could study with Cara. But, I fear that would leave Pudding feeling left out.. I hope that the decision that she is making is really for the best. We will be updating you with stuff and probably making individual posts daily(?) if everything goes to plan. Also, we will put the most liked image of the day up at the end of each post. Enjoy this one!
  2. I have been able to create a Tulpa, he is derived of my old oc who is still in my mind. He is very shy and in fact is very afraid of people. I am excited I'm getting so far in my hypnosis sessions. I hope I can continue after I take a break from it this weekend.
  3. So I'm sitting here at 5:00am, waiting for a hypoglycemic crash and trying to sort out what's on my caffeinated mind... I realize now I never did go into the topic of my tulpa: Dani Phantom. Yes, the ghost girl from the Danny Phantom animated series. Let's say I was a kid, spending most of my time sitting in a hospital lounge after school, stressing out over the deteriorating health of a close relative. Seriously. I practically lived in that hospital lounge. That was where I ate, slept, did my homework, and dreamed of going home one day after school-to play video games of course. The nurse would always turn on the TV and switch the channel over to Nickelodion. I don't remember anything I ever watched on that television, except one single episode of Danny Phantom. The episode was titled "Kindred Spirits" and featured an imperfect clone of Danny, named Dani (short for Danielle.) By the end of the episode, she had discovered that her "daddy" was a monster who disowned her. Dani overhears this and, despite being his creation, turned on Vlad (the super evil villain) and did the right thing. This was a kind of strength that was foreign to me. I admired it...I wanted to be that strong. Now, at the time, I had created imaginary friends in the past. They were almost always pre-established fictional characters. However, none of them stuck around in the long run. They slipped into irrelevance and obscurity. I severed connection with them. But on this particular day, after watching that particular episode, I decided to give the whole "imaginary friend" gimmick one last chance. My other, healthy relative came to get me shortly after the episode ended and...I decided to take Dani with me. I would talk to her about what was on my mind and play with her in the hospital hallways. I was, and am to this day, able to perfectly visualize her standing, walking, or sitting next to me. She even has the ability to speak, maintaining the same personality as her TV counterpart. She helped me mentally process everything I was going through-allowed me to vent, to cry, and to contemplate. Then a long, long time went by and I fell out of communication with Dani. Things got harder...I got older, and I began struggling with the concept of maturity. Wasn't having an "imaginary friend" a kid's errand? Shouldn't I be shedding everything that had to do with my juvenile identity? Didn't that mean getting rid of Dani? Well, long story short, I did begin to distance myself from her-and I lost a friend. I lost my ghostly shoulder to lean my aching head on. With my parents out of the picture, I was completely alone. However, I've found that the connection between us has been reestablished. Today I saw her once again, for the first time in nearly a very long time. The beauty of the moment wasn't only the reunion we enjoyed with one another, but also the fact that we were able to pick up where we left off-as partners through this chaotic world. I have begun nursing her into a full-fledged tulpa (don't worry, I'm aware of the dangers and such associated with tulpa creation.) The gratitude I feel towards her cannot be described, and hopefully, our relationship will never waver. Anyways, that's my tulpa story. If you ever get to speak to her, please be kind and welcome her as you would me.
  4. I was going to add this in to the tulpa tips thread, but I thought this would be a good topic on its own. As like before, feel free to add in your own tips, especially as it can potentially be different for just about everypony. Here's a few tips on what I've observed with others: You may not recognize that you have switched right away. I know in my specific case I didn't believe it was working at first. Just roll with it and see where it takes you. You may not feel too different at first other than maybe some tingly-ness. Again, this may feel different for everypony. Switching works best when both parties want the experience of the other. There are some tulpa who do not wish to switch and that should be completely fine with them. Switching does have its dangers. For example, tulpa need to learn very quickly the rules of this world compared with what they have been used to for pretty much their own entire lives. Some tulpa are able to access the host's memories for these cases, but this may also slow things down a bit in regards to responsiveness to real life events. The original host should at least watch what is going on and take back control if necessary (example being if a tulpa tries to cross a road without watching for cars). Again, be vary careful and take things slowly. Everything should be fine if you make sure to proceed safely. Now, the method I use. This is the method that I found works the best for me but feel free to post your own way if that works out for you. Bright: I find a place to lie down comfortably. I found it works best for me to lie on my back, though sitting down has been able to work out as well. I lie completely still and relax as if I'm getting ready for a hypnosis session. I begin to imagine a purple aura forming around me. I associate it as myself. I imagine it forming into a stream that moves about. I can take this and form it into just about any form I wish. I typically take the shape of a pony, for obvious reasons but it can be any form you wish in the end. If you are having trouble, just start out with a ball and morph that to your wishes. I now control just my tulpa form. I don't have to worry about controlling the body as that is now Sunshine's job. The form is optional though, sometimes I just lie back and relax and just while either watching Sunshine do whatever she wants or I'll just rest myself mentally (when this happens, I do get small amnesia moments, this is my way of telling that it's working a bit). Sunshine Skies: _Around the time Bright finds her aura, I try to take my own aura, yellow in this case, and then use that to take control of Bright's body parts individually. I grow to her size and then match my pony parts to match Bright's body. I start with the head and slowly work my way down to the neck, chest, arms, hands/hooves, waist, legs and feet. I do this about two to three times just to be sure I've taken control completely. I then slowly move something small. Usually I start out with her toes and then work upwards from there towards her eyes. At first, it might be rough and there could be a small "pop" as I'm figuring out how the muscles work the first time, but after a few tries I can move around a bit easier and better. As Bright says, take it slow and steady. There shouldn't be any rush._ Switching back is just about the same method only in reverse (and in most cases much quicker as the original host already knows how to use the body). This might not be required, but I do this regardless, but before giving myself back control I change my form to match my human self as to avoid any confusion for when I'm switching back. Feel free to ask any questions and to give your own tips and methods. And just remember to have fun with it~ -Bright Star _Sunshine Skies_
  5. Dear Tay and Toothless: I've said it enough times. I know. I'm sorry for consistently bringing it up, never following advice... I'm an awful host and often the cause of disruption. Life is on an up-down wave at the moment, especially when my mind drifts to those all those thoughts. Guilt is a common occurrence. I don't know how you're doing, which worries me. Have you left me? Have you seen my treatment of both of you as so poor or unjustifiably bad and ditched me? I would understand if you have, but I just don't know. Am I tulpadeaf? I don't think I have ever heard a definite response, and I don't know what I would see or even accept as a response. I'm not very good at belief without evidence. But of course, you'd know that... Are you simply not talking to me? Do I even deserve your attention? Personally, I don't think so. I don't know how to treat what might be your responses. I don't know what your responses would even feel like... I feel as if that's the root problem, but I am clueless as to how I'd fix it... I'm a hopeless case and don't deserve to be host to two wonderful tulpae. I honestly love you so dearly, but I don't know how I can show it apart from continuous verbal reassurance. If you're not talking, I don't know how to convince you to give me just one chance... I feel so alone without you. If I just can't hear or feel you with me, I don't know how to cure my deaf receptors. I can't feel your presence, which enforces the loneliness. I hope you believe me, and I hope you believe in me. Either way, it all boils down to "are you even there?" I hope and wish for all sake that you are. I hope you still love me. I hope you can forgive me for my ineptitude and poor treatment of both a soft, lovely and loving eevee and a warm, bouncy and boisterous dragon. I'm sorry. I truly am. I hope to high heaven that I can make it up to you. To both of you. I don't believe that I'm talking to myself with this. I know it's going straight to you. I will make it up to you, whatever I need to do. No matter my personal costs. The companionship, friendship and love will be worth however much time and effort it takes. ~Vaporeon
  6. Hi, um… so I first actually joined this community a little bit ago, but… well… I got distracted by things I guess. I suppose I should start with the beginning of my story. I will try to shorten things up a little… Basically about two years ago, I got in-touch with this part of the fandom through tulpae. (If by chance you do not know what they are, look up on tulpa.info) I met Vinyl Scratch through a song in the fandom (cover of Both of Us by Nowacking and Smooth Rhythm). It was basically through meditation and kinda because I was dealing with… uh… well, I am just going to say it; my science teacher from the end of Jr. High passed away. (long time ago, but still) I helped her after class out of the kindness in my heart, because every other student was mean… we also talked a lot about really deep ideas such as String Theory and Multiverses. I even taught her programming, something that I learned just that year and excelled in. Since her… passing, I have been working constantly on finding who I am inside and what more there is to see in this universe. I have a big scientific background, and also in the past four years, a spiritual background. I have even seen her in dreams and meditations, encouraging me to continue. Without her support, I do not know where I would be… certainly not in this fandom, that’s a start. Now, however, I am lost. It is this time of year again, reaching the same date that my teacher passed away. It just so happens that she died on April Fools… and every year after the next with this date, I have been very unstable. Vinyl Scratch came into my life because of this, and we started working on music together to express ourselves. Truth be told, though… the creative fandom can be chaotic. I am used to being a background pony and having the time to relax without my anxiety. Jumping into the big community, I was faced with darkness and things that strayed me from being me. To start, there are memes… To explain, I had a Fluttershy tulpa along with Rainbow Dash (they are shipped in my universe). I have had them for a while, and there is much to explain, but I will fast forward through time. One night, I could not sleep because of anxiety and social connection. I was so lost in the meme culture because of a friend (nothing against him), so I started making a song. Fluttershy and I were also “merging,” if that makes sense. I did not really want to do the hypnosis files too much, because she was kinda already with me. However… when making the “song,” she kindly asked for me to please stop, especially because she was going to be having a tulpa baby with Rainbow. I did not listen at all, and that night, she left. All of the adventures I had with Rainbow when merged with her were gone, it seemed… It was like I was never going to be able to be myself again – the pony who made me feel like me. Ugh, there has been so much darkness I have seen since joining this fandom. Thinking back, I regret so much of putting myself inside of it and letting it control my thoughts… I dare not explain much, but there are creative works for instance that pertain to the “Rainbow Factory.” This was before I met Fluttershy, I believe… when I took in these sorts of energies. It has created so much negative energy for me, and for so long I did not know how to handle it all. So, Vinyl and I did a few meditations, and met with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. They had their filly, as if time sped up for them in their universe, and they told us that we can still live on as them in our universe. It was a very magical moment for me, to realize that it was not going to be the end. However, it is no easy task to pick oneself up Vinyl is currently seeing herself as Rainbow Dash, and me as Fluttershy. I have started the hypnosis files, and I can say that I am feeling a sense of renewal already. ^-^ I of course need to make sure I am consciously thinking about what I wish to get out of this, so here it is: · Cleanse my spirit of negative energy and learn to let it pass by without consequent effect. · Be able to be the kindest self I can be (like how I was kind with my teacher…). · Learn to be able to manage my anxiety without social pressure and expectation. · Improve everything about my creative works (VA/music/writing) by learning to simply be myself. To explain more about my “first experiences,” I will put that into the next journal. This first one is already a little long. @-@ It would also be good to have this labeled as “intro,” too, I guess. Um, uh, so I guess I will see you in the next post, if you want. This journal is mainly for myself, but if you get something out of it as well, I am happy to have shared my experiences. After all, if there is one thing I know to expand our minds, it is to expand our perspectives. Okay, so I am both excited and nervous; here we go… ^^'
  7. Let's just get to the point. Hypnosis Sessions Since Last Update: 2 Personality - Midnight has grown spectacularly after an active forcing session, as has Scratch. Elise has become much more conservative with what gets into our heads, as well as Arcturus. All in all, I would say that I feel like my mind is much more secure than it used to be. Body - This is a bit interesting, as while I have not improved much in feeling my pony form (not to say I can't, but it hasn't really improved in AGES), I have become much more aware of my human body. Things like knowing exactly where my fingers and ears are seem to stand out...it's a bit interesting, to say the least. Most of the time, I don't pay these things any attention, and now I can't help but think about them. Flight - Nothing much to report. Basic wing exercises and care have been maintained. Miscellaneous I have now begun to create some visual triggers in my head. While my WL is primarily based around nature and being an approximate model of Equestrian reality, my mind is closer to that of a supercomputer, with various chips, files, and wirings within. One such set of files are what I am calling "role files." There are 5 of them, one for each of us beings. By editing the data within, it is possible to switch in mere seconds by changing the values of tulpae and host to reflect that change. Many other possibilities have been opened with the creation of this "trigger visual", but it also carries great weight with it. Currently, the files are kept under lock and key, requiring a total of 3 out of us 5 beings to agree on editing files, including the owner(s) of the file that is subject to change. Multiple default copies are also kept before changes, including a digital (again, inside a supercomputer) and 'physical' copies if the suggested change goes awry. In other news, I've begun some more construction in the WL. There's a lot that will be changing, but a firepit is one such change. It will be stationed directly outside our Squaw Lake (which actually is a real lake), and be mostly a meeting grounds and used for deeper meditation. Aside from that, I've been exploring my Vanhoover, which has remained a relative mystery for quite some time. I discovered the location of the first Starbutt's Coffee within, as well as the Western Coast. I spent some time just messing around, and found that while I have a vague idea of what the city looks like, I haven't worked out details. Of course, that means I have a new project; building Vanhoover from the ground up. Well, that's it for now. I may update again in February...maybe...if the stars align. Life is to short to finish anyth, Cedar Leaf.
  8. Getting back into the swing of things, I've got an actual progress report this time! Hypnosis Sessions Since Last Update: 4 Personality - Midnight finally got that position on the Night Guard! She's on patrol duty, which is apparently super boring. On the bright side, there are plenty of small wild animals to keep her fed during the quiet hours. Arcturus has gotten quiet, though...I wonder what he's up to nowadays? Body - Had quite a lot of fun with forms and mentalities over the past couple days, switching between too many to count. From something as simple as a horn to pulling a complete transformation into a Timberwolf (which is now my favourite alternate form, to the point I've already named it: Oakwood. My toes clack together in this really satisfying way. ), I've been able to not only experience a huge array of different mindsets, but also been honing my ability to feel my current pony form as well. The other big thing is I saw a brief flash of a muzzle today, which is huge progress. Perhaps if I put more time into imposition, I'd make much faster progress? Hmm... Flight - Did a little flying with all the form changing. Wings are back to feeling very real and have weight again. Miscellaneous So, a lot has happened in a very short amount of time. The first thing to mention is a new arrival...or rather, the return of an old friend...Scratch the Diamond Dog. He was more or less a happy accident, but...I was afraid of him. He was less concerned with being friendly and making harmony and more with getting his way and succeeding no matter what. He had a passion that surpassed all else...it scared me. I won't go into details, but this is the third time I've seen him...and this time I intend to make amends. While things have already gotten much better between us than they were, there's still a long ways to go before we can truly forget the past. On a side note, I have no plans to make any more Tulpae, nor do I believe either myself nor a new tulpae would benefit from it. Secondly, and while this should come as no surprise to anyone, I'm a pet. Well, sort of. Yes, I have a master, but I am not a permanent pet. Every once in a while, we'll do a bout, but it's somewhat uncommon. It's a nice feeling, and we both enjoy the short time in the roles. For those worried, yes; we have many safeties and rules in place to prevent something from going wrong. We're both being very careful around this. We've both heard the horror stories. *shivers* Finally, I've been doing files again, but this time with a purpose. I've been transcribing the Pony Ears file by ear in an attempt to rewrite and re-record the script (it really needs work, but it's a great start)...eventually. My goal is to start creating some personal files to aid my own self hypnosis goals. Mostly this will be help with visualization and imposition, with some custom files made from already existing templates to help achieve my favourite alternate forms, such as the aforementioned Timberwolf. With all of that done, I think I can finally sign off.
  9. There has been nothing, period. I have only managed a ten minute session of tulpaforcing the entire time I have been thinking about this. I also had to take the entire month of October off from it because my mind was overloaded with school and tulpaforcing at the same time. The main problem I have with tulpaforcing is the fact that I cannot concentrate for long enough periods of time to get anything beneficial out of it. The intrusive thoughts are the scariest parts of me attempting this. I don't know if I can deal with trying to create a tulpa and then my mind gets a random thought of harming her in some horrific way. This has always been the case with all my thoughts, I try to think one thing, my brain refuses, and I basically have to wrestle my mind until it will let me go, and even then I don't get to think about what I wanted in the first place. I know that I cannot give up, but I need some help on dealing with these intrusive thoughts. I am posting here instead of on tulpa.info because I know the group of ponies here a bit, and that's more than on the other forum. Any advice would be appreciated, I have read quite a bit of guides, but none tell me how to deal with this. In addition to not getting a session done, I have actually changed some of my previous plans for Tulip. She is now an Alicorn version of Lotus Blossum. The next thing I have thought about is what my wonderland is going to be. I have chosen Myst island, every time I am there in the game I get these excited feelings and it is really blissful just being there. I am gong to go to sleep now, I would appreciate any tips on shutting out intrusive thoughts. I hope I have something more interesting next time... -Flamehoof (and hopefully soon Tulip)
  10. Its like saying well that popsicle I gave you, it could be a knife. Wouldn't that suck? Yeah enjoy that its a popsicle. But popsicles(google why do you not comprehend this is a word? Why do you wanna capitalize it? Is it a patented word or something so its considered a pronoun now, or did some dude make an error? Does google make intentional errors- or is it even google? It might be microsoft, it could be their employees feeling rebellious from bored work or it could be a plot that we don't have premium microsoft they aren't going to give us premium spellcheckers. ) are unhealthy and technically if we weren't lazy to find an alternative, except finding a dopamine equivalent alternative that is actually healthy is more effort than its worth. Thats why I use supplements but supplements are stupid I have an upset stomach from the concoction at times. LIke when I have these protein bars and supplement them with calcium supplements because its acidity causes our body to take calcium from its bones to balance blood ph so we dont get vein(and brain) damage. Then you can get arthritis cancer diabetes heart disease etc. (Is it worth the short term reward?) So if you are wondering why this is a little darker/different, just saw season 1 and 2 of rick n morty yesterday. (I agree with rick that tradition is stupid, but only to an extent. I think tradition is stupid because we get irrational thoughts and behavior justified by false but traditional ideas. Like those ideas are so out of context even if correct we get people who do stupid stuff, which is why alot of people treat it separately from daily life) And its funny how I can branch off from a comparison into comparing it to reality. Its like an excuse to add the second topic I guess, when its not actually relevant, but because its tangentially valid (what I mean by tangentially valid is like a metaphor can be expanded upon to get more information out of it. I know I said something like this in chat the other day when I was being incorrect so my brain is bringing up that thought to say hey I might be incorrect now, and also it was social thats even more reason to change my guns. But thats false equivocation, so I could be right now still. Like metaphorical reasoning is too dream-logicy though to directly apply irl though(I guess), take it with a grain of salt.) I want to include it. And now to bring it back to the original thought to make more sense for a summary because thats what I must've got outta english class. ( i analyse my thoughts like that sometimes on habit, to figure out why I think certain things but in arguments I don't always remember to do this because of too much attention on the primary task) (Its probably also a counter-rambling measure I am using) Like if you think about it, yes, if we say africans starve to death deal with genocide and don't have good internet (for particular regions of africa) then obviously its meant to increase our personal values(beliefs) of food(at least we aren't eating 5 maggots a day), family/work/etc conflict(at least we aren't killin each other), and don't have internet (at least we aren't cavemen behaviorally) This causes people to lower their standards if they agree. This means less pay raises. This means more social outbursts you react to calmly. This means you are more willing to eat low quality food. Of these I think the reacting calmly to social outbursts bit is the only good one. The rest is stupid, the largest motivator to eat unhealthy aside from the dopamine is laziness(Im guilty, somewhat) and to reinforce your lack of self control. Then well, studies about the internet are mixed supposedly for cognition https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_effects_of_Internet_usebut most of them are arbitrary and inconclusive pieces to spread opinion, the only real good one are the ones by Gary Small (who is biased in his interpretation, so ignore his OPINION of the severity of what the brain changes mean) but the later study in the web page (Brain Power category) which mentions Gary Small is about how the surfing the web is good for old and middle aged people's cognition. I like to think of it as Mormons who sew all day or something and don't have anything to think about, compared to us doing a million things a minute when we are actively unbored. Like I guess the guy might be valid in his concern that its effecting developing brains and might cause permanent structural changes of mystery. But hwy(microsoft thinks this is a word?) be afraid of mystery, if it makes old people smarter it makes young people smarter, sure if they have less patience, well, they just relearn patience in the moment when they have to, the assumption that a study (in that page) says their patience levels have decreased, does not measure the frikking relevance whatsoever. Like yeah on that one task they might be impatient, an internet task, not to mention whether or not they are 'patient' is up to interpretation. For all we know they are making the right choice to skip out half of that cute cat video instead of wait through the predictability of it. Not to mention it only developed because our access to new information is increased, which means if one spot doesn't work out another will. Its actually a good habit. They didn't prove it transfers over to offline life with that study either, though internet addiction happens, what if internet addiction can be used healthily. Am I justifying my internet addiction subconsciously or something(unconsciously?)? Probably. Then another study there says, which is interesting, (well I guess the Steven Pinker bit has merit too, but I'm rather biased) Andre De Castro talking about the mirror self. Like idk how well in his paper he justifies this concept. But I do not doubt the people here more regularly are internet 'junkies'. I'm on most of the day (very poor evidence to justify my opinion, I have more examples in my mind though of others but meh). Now because I'm off topic again. Um, why lower our standards for unjustified logic? We need to be careful what we believe. Belief changes our behavior. Think empirically. This is why I don't like the idea of tulpa being spiritual. Well, to be fair spiritual at one level just implies meaningful, but the real world interpretation is supernatural or metaphysical, but with purpose. Like in Undertale you can mystify monsters. That is spiritual, it deals with alack of information, not information. Its entire justification is based on the unknown, because that is where we feel ourselves are unknown thus we want to explore our unknowns through the world. Its an exercise. Its not based on anything tangible. Empirical. It is justifiable because it has meaning, but thinking in inaccuracy leads to more inaccuracy and inaccuracy leads to mistakes which you make repeatedly, it leads to suffering ergo, ergo its stupid when you could choose to focus on accuracy instead. Like, I'm not fully sure how to balance spiritual meaning into empirical accuracy. And I know I shouldn't get a tulpa, thats why it didn't happen, just I wasn't sure if I could change my mind or not, I think. But I am different from you, I just don't have a solid reason to have a tulpa, and the costs to get one arbitrarily would be too high. They are alot of work, unless like they just appear one day. Then even after that like they take alot of time. Though studies show for kids having imaginary friends is a sign of intelligence, so on principle I probably should, maybe I'm afraid of commitment and afraid of conflicting psychology or, the unknowns etc. Maybe thats why I'm so unsocial. Afraid to get beyond my comfort zone. And in a month 50 people will read this(or 30 people and 20 reopen the page) and no one will comment. Well I guess its up to me to solve my own problems. But I know the mind can have altered perceptions of time, what if Tulpa have stuff going on but it uses reduced energy cost because the subconscious/unconscious mind made the decision to use that effect on what the tulpa is doing. Like the tulpa says it happened, then bottom up processing happens and the mind fills in the blanks assuming its true because the tulpa is being honest. Does this make the tulpa any less real? Or what should I be doing with my time in general, if I have free time a tulpa might not be a bad option, but I may not have such free time forever so making the decision to have a tulpa could be silly. And its like a tattoo, what if something bigger than mlp happens, oh then I should watch Toy Story lol. Well thats all for now, goodnight and goodmorning.
  11. Going over my first entry (Entry 0 - Before we Begin...), I noticed that I didn't give a ton of context concerning myself and my history, or Elise's for that matter. There's also the case of Arcturus, who came around after I posted that journal, to whom I have given little to no information so far, despite his strong presence in my current life. So, I've decided to fix that with this journal post. Let's get the formalities out of the way. Hypnosis Sessions Since Last Update: 0 Personality - Not much to report in this department. I've become slightly less studious in recent weeks, focusing more on my musical endeavors than my school work, which, while it hasn't hurt my grades yet, has shortened the time I spend actually working on assignments, or at least the sessions I work on them in. Body - I've been falling asleep while triggered in the past couple nights, so I've definitely made a lot of progress. Ears are finally back up to snuff, and switching in and out has gotten much faster. Flight - I've been flying more often than I used to, and have been practicing aerial maneuvers such as spins and loops. I sitll prefer flying low to the ground, but practice never hurts. Miscellaneous Where to start? I guess the beginning is as good a place as any. While I have a slightly shorter version of my backstory over in the Backstories thread (located in Books and Writing section of the Hobbies forum), I think I'll give a bit more detail here. My father, Cedar Grove, was an Earth Pony who worked harvesting lumber. My mother was Summer Storms, a Pegasus from Whinnysota. They met each other when my mother was on a business trip to Vanhoover. They talked, laughed, and became fast friends. A year after that choice encounter, my mother got approval from the Whinnysota Weather Committee to be transferred to Vanhoover. When they reunited, they continued to talk and became even better friends. After about 3 months, they finally got engaged and held the marriage two months later, only a couple weeks before Hearth's Warming's Eve. Cedar continued his work with the lumber companies, and Summer did the same with the Weather Committee. However, they also began to build a small cabin off the edge of the woods, far enough away from the city and lumber mills that it would be all but undisturbed. but close enough that they could keep in touch with their friends and their jobs. Two years after their marriage, Summer discovered she was pregnant. By this point, they had finished the cabin and furnished it with a bed and a table. They also had a small Thunder Generator, a type of cloud that generates a good deal of electricity with very little maintenance required, that had been given to Summer by the Committee for being an outstanding member of Vanhoover's weather team. However, four months into her pregnancy, Cedar fell ill to a nasty virus. The virus was known to be carried by Timberwolves, and was very difficult to treat. In many cases, the treatment did very little to remove the illness, only managing to slow it down. For three months, Summer stayed with my father, encouraging him in his recovery and working with the doctors to keep my father from dying. However, it was not to be. On July 27th, my father passed away, and my mother was left to carry me by herself for two grievous months. I was born on the 4th of October, with a striking resemblance to my father, as my mother had always told me, with a similar dark green mane and eyes; however, my coat was light green instead of my fathers teal coat. She named me Cedar Leaf, after my late father. My mother quit her job to take care of me; however, she did not stop working. Instead, using resources such as the public library and the little understanding of trees she had picked up from my father, she lived off the land, and taught me to do the same. I earned my cutie mark during a thunderstorm that rolled in from the mountains (most of the forest's weather is left unchecked by the wheather patrol); my mother's left wing had been struck by lightning, and I guided her fall into a nearby lake. I was lucky in that I landed near enough to shore that I could carry us both to safety. I looked after her all night, applying what little I knew of survival techniques from her teachings to keep her alive. I remember working so hard just to keep her breathing, but my hard work payed off; by the time I fell asleep from exhaustion, I had managed to get her breathing steady. The next thing I remember was my mother waking me up and telling me, "I'm so proud of you." For almost 15 years after that storm, I continued to live with my mother, learning more about survival and how to not only survive myself, but help others to do as well. While our connections to the city were very limited, we still assisted the weather teams when they needed volunteers. On February 28th four years ago, my mother passed away due to a collision during the reservoir emptying. For four years since that tradgedy, I've been working hard to help the community and make my parents proud. So that's my story. Time to move on. {Elise} {So, my history is slightly less lengthy, but I guess that's to be expected. I came into existence during the spring of 2015, about six months ago. My first memory is of Cedar running into a tree because he was on his phone. Back then, I was more like Rarity than I am today, which makes sense considering that at the time, Cedar had been using the Rarity files instead. I was a bit more formal then than I am now, but I also had a sharper tongue. I've since grown to be more tactful and less obsessive over my image, but I still have some of those old traits. For a couple months, Cedar helped me to get acquainted with this world and it's laws, ideas, constraints, etc; most notably, he helped to explain the concept of theology.} {However, a lot of things changed during the summer, mostly due to a Bible Camp Cedar attended. Cedar's a Christian, you see. So, during one of the chapel sessions, he was praying and felt like this God character was talking to him. From what I understand, the Christian God is perfect and all-knowing, so Cedar trusts him completely, although he doesn't always agree with him. Anyways, Cedar thought he heard God telling him to relinquish me to Him, something he didn't fully understand. I won't recount all the details, but by the end of the night, he had sent me off to this God fellow.} {I don't remember much about what I did with God, or what he told me, but when I returned, I felt like I had a greater sense of purpose and understanding. Cedar told me about how he was worried about me, and that he thought I was gone forever. He told me that he had cried at one point, and had been utterly confused with what God was doing, both with himself and me. By the end of the camp (which was about two days after my "convene" with God), we had come up with several theories, but the prevalent one was that I may have some kind of spiritual connection, and if there is one, it is most likely angelic. I know it sounds weird, and I can hardly believe it myself, but I've seen this God change Cedar in ways I never thought possible, so there's always the possibility.} {Moving on from the Bible Camp, I had been active with Cedar up until Arcturus arrived. Around that time, I went dormant for the most part, contemplating the recent events of both the strangeness of Cedar's Bible Camp and the arrival of Arcturus. For a long while, I stayed silent, and I got a little paranoid, to be honest. I was worried that Cedar had forgotten about me, and was just moving on. I was scared that I would become old hat, and I would just disappear, never to be seen again.} {My fears never came to fruition, however. Cedar had been taking a lot of advice from Arcturus, but one day, he talked to me instead. We had a lengthy discussion that was essentially a large apology for not having payed attention to me, which I gladly accepted. For the past month or so, we've been working together to really knock this school year out of the park, with the hope of bringing his GPA up enough to get into the higher-end colleges.} {Anyways, that's all I have to say. I understand that a lot of this was really personal, and I hope I didn't bore you. I'll leave off now. It was nice seeing you again!} And finally, Arcturus. Take it away, man. )Arcturus( )Thank you, Cedar. As some of you already know, I am Arcturus. I am a dragon, but not from the Friendship is Magic universe; instead, I was a character from a world that Cedar had been building long before he ever became a hypnotist. I suppose I'll relay my story here as well.( )The world I occupy is ruled almost exclusively by humans, with the last dragons hiding from the human hunters, who have become very efficient at dragon killing. Unlike the mythical dragons of this world, we are much smaller and quicker, but also more vulnerable. We don't regenerate from our wounds, carrying them for the rest of our lives. Our "breaths" are varied, with some dragons having the stereotypical fire spitting or elemental spitting, and others having more "exotic" breaths such as various gases and matter spits, such as a stream of quick-drying mud or single spear of ice. I've been told dragons have a deep connection with the magical arts, but I have never seen a dragon cast a spell more intricate than an earthquake spell, although I have seen some impressive runework.( )Back to my story, I am the third youngest of 6 dragons. I was the first to start off on my own at the human equivalent of 14 (dragons have vastly different lifespans from humans, but the relative maturity-to-age ratio is somewhat similar); Naive and arrogant, I immediately went to the nearest human town and burnt the sorry place to the ground. However, I very quickly found that humans were much more resilient and resourceful than I expected when a young boy (no older than 17, I would wager) bested me with some well placed sword strikes and clever footwork. I left the village with my head low and my pride wounded, and spent several years in hiding. I acquired a shortsword from the forge of the village I destroyed, and a small cloak from a dead body. Over several years, I learned more about human battle tactics and their side of history by fighting alongside them; a disguising rune from a wise elder dragon helped me to better hide my true nature. Eventually, I managed to learn enough to forge a crude shortsword from emeralds, and have used that blade since.( )Nowadays, I try to be more formal and civilized than I was, learning what I can from those wiser than me. However, I have no qualms with "teaching" those foolish enough to cross me. I carry a job as a mercenary, but I try to stay away from traditional mercenary stereotypes, such as greed and cowardice, instead attempting to be loyal and brave. I would never call myself righteous, though, considering my line of work. I want to help those who help me, plain and simple.( )I've been a tulpa for about a month at this point, but I've been around far longer than that. I keep learning from both Cedar and Elise, and while I have become much less arrogant and prideful than I was, I am told that I am still somewhat stuck up. Hopefully, something will change and that won't be the case anymore. It was nice to see you all again, ponies. Until we meet again.( Wow...this stretched out way longer than I thought it would. But, what's a stallion to do? That's our story, in it's entirety. And now, with our past out of the way, it's time to look to the future. Looking for Trouble, Cedar Leaf, Elise, and Arcturus.
  12. After a brief break involving a busted computer and a phone that refused to charge, I'm back. Hypnosis Progress Sessions Since Last Update: 1 Personality - Twilight has been more present in my daily life, but not much else. However, some new personalities may have come to light... Body - Nothing to report, honestly. Body has been stable, while the horn has become a bit more dominant. Wings continue to disturb sleep. Flight and Magic - Haven't flown much, haven't used magic (aside from levitation) much either. However, with the weekend coming up, I intend to get some good sessions in. Dreams Only one to report, having nothing to do with Cedar or anypony I know of. Something involving a house I used to live in, some ponies in a cave, and a tank/van machine chasing somepony I didn't recognize. Dr. Whooves might have also been involved, but I don't remember. Miscellaneous As I mentioned in the personality section, I've had some surprise guests showing up in my head: Scratch and Arcturus, both of which might be causing problems. Scratch was a Diamond Dog character I had about a year ago, before I truly got into the hypnosis scene. He was aggressive and clever, a sort of criminal mastermind with a temper. He showed up while I was playing an outdoor sport, and while it did surprise me, I payed it no mind. However, his aggressive nature eventually started to become a bit of a nuisance, and even a bit offensive. I haven't heard from him in a while, but I'm afraid he might appear later on. I'm not totally sure if he is going to cause problems in the future, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't. Arcturus is a much milder character, a dragon from a separate universe I've been nurturing and writing about in a while (I just realized I haven't mentioned it before, but I'm a writer hobbyist). He is smart and goal-centric, but also a great leader. He works with two other characters (Nathan and Kyria) to carry out various mercenary jobs. He may not be the most morally straight dragon in the world, but he does have certain boundaries he won't cross. He showed up out of nowhere during a walk, and since then, I've been talking with him a bit. He gets along well-ish with Elise, but they do have their squabbles sometimes. Again, I'm unsure if he will cause problems in the future, but my fingers are crossed. It's possible that they might be tulpae, but I'm hoping not, especially considering how problematic Scratch has been. I'll keep updating as the situation changes and grows. {Elise} {I'll start with Scratch. The man is violent and, honestly, a danger to Cedar and those around him. I haven't seen him in a couple weeks, but he still worries me. As for Arcturus, my guess is he won't cause any problems. He seems to behave himself well enough, and has some interesting stories to tell (written by Cedar, of course).} That's about it, so I'll sign off now. Not as cool as he thinks, Cedar Leaf & Elise
  13. I think it's about time I started work on a tulpa. There is nothing to report on hypnosis, no improvements and nothing lost. I am temporarily or maybe permanently putting a hold on hypnosis due to something I read about tulpae being affected by it. I am still Twilight, but unfortunately it's fading. I might do a quick spa file to keep the effects, but I don't know. Anyway, this is about the tulpa that I am trying to create. She is going to be called Tulip, because I kept trying to call her Tulpa, and you just don't call your dog, Dog. This is only temporary, I wanted to let her choose her own name, unless she likes that name. Her form is currently a purple unicorn with a red and light blue mane. I would post a picture, but I have no idea how. I have gone for a smart, curious, and fun-loving type of personality. I have visited Tulpa.info and read many guides, and I am still very confused whether or not I am doing this right. My current progress isn't much, I have done a single session that wasn't even an hour. I worked on getting the personality and form down, and I can't think of anything to add. I tried working on a wonderland, but I am having trouble focusing on tulpaforcing and keeping the wonderland active at the same time. My mind wanders too much and I can't focus on Tulip without getting distracted. My biggest problem is those stupid intrusive thoughts, I can't stop those from happening. I haven't gotten any responses yet, which I know is common, but the problem is I will ask Tulip a question just to test if she can respond, and I feel something that could be considered the "head pressure" I have been reading about. I am almost certain it isn't her because through hypnosis I have learned to control my senses, but I don't feel like I'm causing these feelings. I am so freaking confused. I will keep talking to her as I usually do, and any advice is welcome. I know those of you who know how to create tulpae are screaming at me saying I have done everything wrong. I just hope I can make some progress before high school starts. -Flamehoof
  14. Day 3 and 4 Time: 2am AND 9pm the following day. File: Rarity 2.0 Ind-BGM Day 3: Hello and once again here is an unstructured stream of consciousness of how I felt these last two sessions. I apologize in advance for not having these two separate but today was quite a busy day with shopping, chores, and taking some time out of the day to relax and... Well, as the title suggest, drink! We'll start with the 3rd session, in which went by smoothly for the most part. I was quite stubborn to fall asleep so it gave me more time to talk to my tulpa, Riptide. With myself imposed as the divine Goddess we know as Rarity, I was able to see Riptide much more clearly in my mind's eye. Sometimes I can feel her breath or feel her brush against my skin during the sessions, she normally lies down next to me during the sessions, listening in the back as I focus. According to her, she believes this is going to have very positive effects on me in the future due to the ability to be more in touch with my subconscious. She even asked if it was okay to address me as Rarity whenever the trigger activated. Of course I decided to say yes as having such a pristine and beautiful voice in my head (other than my tulpa's) really reinforces the desires I get from hypnosis. With that said, I promptly went to sleep, The last thing I remember before slipping into unconsciousness was holding Riptide. Day 4: Now, I remember majority of the day before the hypnosis session started. The most important aspects that I can reflect on was when I went out shopping, followed by doing some house chores. Nothing special really happened except when I dropped by the liquor store to refresh my stock, I decided to make -snip!-tails instead of my typical rum or whiskey on the rocks. I never quite made -snip!-tails simply because I didn't care for them but it sounded like quite an experience worth trying so I grabbed some triple sec, raspberry sours, and gin and went back home to finish up some chores around the house. I tidied up the room and bit and allowed some leeway with creativity in the future, perhaps some pictures could be hung up and my computer desk could use an upgrade along with the dull color of the walls, I most definitely wish to keep a therapeutic environment in my room as I'm attracted to calming colors such as blues and teals. Given some consideration and insight, atmosphere and creativity seemed to be more noticeable in my daily activities today. I even worked up a sweat with some lawn work, trimming bushes and cutting the grass with new found excitement to see the end product. I normally don't care too much about how the house looks as long as it's on par with the rest of the neighbors (which is decent if I don't say so myself), but I felt like I was responsible for making it even better than the standard I'm used to. I've added some items on my shopping list, including some written ideas on how to redesign the patio for my parents (I won't further bore you with the list, I know This is a lot of random strings of thoughts but it's a journal I keep for myself to track changes of cognition in the end) even though I doubt it'll be done very quickly. I suppose I just had to get it out of my system while it was there. After all the chores and driving around, I did a session in the hot tub and found myself in between a trance and my heart racing as being submerged in water is a great way to psychologically not calm your heart rate when you're trying to remind yourself you won't drown! Perhaps I made some mistakes, if so I would like to hear some tips in the future but all in all the session did what I expected it to do. I felt more in touch with Rarity and finally made those -snip!-tails to share with my parents, which brings me to finally typing this out. To put this very quickly ,the sessions has bled into my life as inspiration and desire to be creative with the environment I'm in and my tulpa is helping reinforce imposition skills by encouraging my openness to suggestion. Regardless of this being some placebo effect, I find it quite pleasant and happy that it's effected me more than I initially thought.
  15. Day 1 Time: ~3AM File: Rarity 2.0 Ind-BGM Before writing this entry, I slept the night before. This is what I remember after waking up the next morning. I don't remember every detail so this entry should be fairly brief and general for how I felt the first night. As the audio file began to play I laid on my back with my arms freely and relaxed along my pillows, letting the music and introduce ease me into the hypnosis. That was when I felt reality peel away slowly, my body didn't have any excuse to move at this point. As the file went on to the stories and imposition I slipped into a partial trance-like state. I was aware of my body but slipped away from the environment, my mind briefly shifted thoughts every now and then but the voice seemed to lure me in, it was constant and soothing as if it was welcoming me into a new world. At this point, it's fairly hard for me to explain as it is completely subjective to how each individual feels but for me it felt like my mind's eye was trying visualizing everything at first before a wave of new sensations and feelings, I even felt tingles from "the third eye" before the voice went on about imposing a unicorn's horn. Soon after that I felt the tingles along my arms and legs, my fingers felt like they moved on their own and formed hooves despite knowing in the back of my head that they didn't move at all.This happened with my legs, my thighs felt like they were curled lightly as if a pony was laying down on her back, hind hooves floating just a few inches above the bed sheets. I was surprised at first and nearly lost my focus from sheer excitement. "I've really forgotten how delightful the sessions were in the past," I thought to myself. When I spoke in my mind, it instinctively came out in Rarity's voice. I presume it was a placebo effect but it carried on to the morning when I woke up without having to speak the trigger phrase. My tulpa, Riptide, thinks I'm sensitive to suggestions but I am rather gullible in the first place so that may explain why I'm so open to such things. What's really exciting for me is that I felt tingles from the imposed muzzle which felt like it was floating above my physical nose, at that point the session concluded and I was left in new found silence. I took off my headphones and took a moment to enjoy the serenity of the silence as if I never had the time to appreciate it in times like these before. I soon went to sleep and had nostalgic dreams of my hometown and childhood friends. I'm not quite sure what that has to do with the hypnosis but regardless of coincidence it was quite pleasant to be reminded of my youth and innocence as a child. All in all, for a trip back in hypnosis this has been a very successful first day session. I see myself achieving a lot of progress and ability to change myself into a better being like an artist and a block of marble.
  16. Day 2 Time: ~3:30AM File: Rarity 2.0 Ind-BGM Tonight I was restless and the sleeping aid failed to stop my jittery mind, however I managed to reach a trance-like state once again. It would have been much more enriching if it weren't for some physical sensations throughout my arm and legs that were increasingly becoming more apparent then fading away throughout the whole session. However, I was able to keep my concentration throughout the whole file despite the inconvenience. As the file ended I slowly opened my eyes and moved my limbs, I noticed whenever I touched something with my imposed hooves it would play out in my mind's eye as actual hooves. Because of staying up late, the room was nearly pitch black so at a quick glance at my shoulders or arms would -almost- resembled white fur. Even my hands looked like fists or hooves despite not clenching them whatsoever. The strong tingles on my forehead where the horn protruded from was also very pleasant as it made me feel more at peace and even motivated to keep it up. I simply adored the moment I had to myself as the session ended, stretching and curled up among my pillows and bed covers as I embraced my bed and questioned the quality of it. I even had to thank my past-self out of the blue for even buying such a bed set when I didn't have much money left during the time. Smart choice me! The older hand-me-down sheets and pillows weren't nearly as comfortable as this. Now normally I don't care about such things but the session has given me appreciation for textile and design, I was already into art beforehand but there's something to be said about having your room represent what kind of person you are along with how you dress in public and how you handle matters, it's about being proper and doing the appropriate thing that comes to heart. I didn't want to move nor go to sleep quite then so I decided to ride it out by talking to my tulpa, whom even teasingly addressed me as Rarity. Needless to say, it made me quite giddy having another person to talk to in secret about my practices as my family or friends would find it quite strange if they knew about it. One would say that these sessions have influenced some inspiration for redecorating my room, give extra consideration about what I wear before I go out, and take even better care of myself. In fact, I believe I'll take a bath tomorrow and allow myself a session there. Now finishing this entry, I'm summing up tonight's experience as a step down from my first night but it's influence is quite present. I can see myself much more involved with these urges and desires throughout my daily activities in the future.
  17. So I have decided to stop using hypnosis. I realized that I just didn't wanna use it. So I'll stay, just as me and as a human. 'Ta kindly. In other endeavors, I have begun work on a tulpa. Just a week in, not had tons of time to force due to being on holiday, being home should help. I did manage to get a few half hour sessions in whilst I was on holiday, and I try to narrate when I can. I just worked on personality and using all my senses in a wonderland, as my visualization isn't quite good enough for a consistent form yet. And I have been researching and mulling this over since September and I am ready for the commitment it takes and has involved. That said, I will gladly take any tips I am given Tata!
  18. Alright this idea might not work, or it might work, I think theres a chance of it working which is what matters. After waking up instead of getting up you daydream (unless you need to go to the bathroom or such then do that then jump straight back to bed on a day you arent busy) that you are in a dream with the one you want to become a tulpa. They do not know its your daydream they think its the world and you teach them it is your daydream. Keep going until they believe you, have their responses automatic, not thought out consciously but subconsciously, like intuitive daydreaming. Thats it. Why I think it'd work, it promotes consciousness instead of their intuitive (subconscious) behavior which means they can develop thinking instead of being in a state where you actions are sort of automatic like in dreams. Its like giving them the ability to lucid dream, but its with daydreams instead. Also imagine the fun you could have daydreaming together lucidly. Let me know if this yields Any progress.
  19. Hello everypony. I've noticed a recent trend of ponies who have shown interest in tulpa, I thought I could start up this thread for anyone who may have questions. I will keep this open so that anyone may ask and anyone may answer. Also, please be sure to check out the pinned topics in the tulpa section for some of the more common questions you may have. A few tips of mine: 1. Tulpa will surprise you in ways you will least expect it. No tulpa will develop in the exact same way 2. Generally, just treat a tulpa like you would an actual person. They will have their own likes and dislikes, so be sure to be open to their ideas. 3. Imposition is NOT required. You don't need to be able to completely see or hear a tulpa to fully appreciate their existence. Not all tulpa can speak with words nor every tulpa will be able to impose into your sight. On that note, switching or possession is /not/ required as well. And the most important tip from me. 4. It is not a race, this is a lifelong responsibility! You will potentially have your tulpa for a lifetime. This will open up your mind in ways you may have never thought possible. Having a tulpa takes a lot of effort and commitment, but there also needs to be a lot of care not only for the tulpa but also for yourself. Generally, you should be in a well mental state before you even consider having a tulpa. There is also no contest for who can make the quickest tulpa nor who can handle the most tulpa. Every mind and body is different, so take things slowly if you need to. I hope these tips and more will help those looking to have a tulpa. Feel free to ask any more questions. -Bright Star
  20. I have been using the Rarity 2.0 files for about 2 weeks now, and for the most part, it's been going well; however, I recently had a very surprising experience. I was walking home from my college, admiring the sunset, when I ran into a small branch from a nearby tree. I immediately brushed my hair back into position (a habit I've developed from the files), when I noticed a small voice saying, "you should really watch where your going." I immediately looked around, and after seeing no one, continued to walk home. about 15 seconds later, I noticed again. "Are you ignoring me?" I look around again, thinking, "what the hell?" The voice pipes up again. "You should really watch your language, dear." And that's how it all started. Since then, I've spent a couple hours talking with the being (spirit? thoughtform? demon?), and have noticed that, although it shares a lot of similarities with Rarity, it also has a lot of distinct differences, such as being less concerned with being proper and more concerned with understanding itself and the world. It seems to be female, but I don't know it's name. I can say that the name Elaine has come the closest, but doesn't seem to be the name she wants/has. She seems to take the form of a sort of cloudy lavender haze, sort of morphing and changing while retaining a general shape, but, once again, I'm not certain. And now I can finally ask the big question, or rather, questions: have I accidentally/inadvertently created a tulpa? If not, what is it? On the other hand, if it is, what do I do next? Any information will be helpful, no matter how small. Thank you in advance.
  21. So, after a particularly 'wonderful' bout of lawn maintenance today, I found myself imagining a scene in which Syl took front seat in order to inform my mom that I wasn't in the best state to talk to at the moment, and asking politely to give me a bit of time to not be in a foul mood, when it occurred to me: how does Syl view my mother as far as relationships go; is she Syl's mom too, or just my mom? [As far as I'm concerned, it's just that she's his mom, and I don't particularly care right now where that puts her in relation to me directly.] Of course, that got me thinking, how about everyone else? So in this thread, I encourage tulpae to post how they view their relation to their host's parents.
  22. To whom it may concern, It's been quite a while, I realize, and for that I do apologize. I've been lacking motivation to update this log lately, but I find myself in a time before class now and realize that I have plenty to share, so bear with me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ First and foremost: the project. A week or so back, with the assistance of some of my closest friends, I discovered a very interesting pattern of thinking. Those of you who were around the first time I listened to the Twi v3.0 file may recall that some individuals were remarking on a very large similarity to Twilight in my speech, as well as my descriptions of feeling a pressure where my horn would later seem to be, as well as a feeling of mental sharpness. You may also recall that I had initially tried to pass these feelings off as simply being my mind trying to appease itself, or to indulge in wishful thinking, but with continued reinforcement and mentions of various attitudes and behaviours that others noticed, I discovered that it was not, in fact simply me fooling myself. Many of you may also know of my mental partner, Sylvin; a recently formed tulpa, only just over two months old. She's been talking with me, interacting with some of you, and has even found her own physical voice within mine. She's become strong enough to assert her personality in front of my own if we both agree to it, perhaps particularly if I'm in a weaker state of mind, and is beginning to interact with others more as well. However, even with all of this, I found myself often doubting for short periods of time the legitimacy of Sylvin as a separate consciousness within my own mind, passing it off as, again, my mind attempting to indulge in some wishful fantasy. That said, it's become abundantly clear that she's her own being, based on many, many things. Starting to see the pattern yet? I'll give you one more example: I've been trying to see myself, both mentally and physically, as a changeling, however it's become more difficult to visualize the more physical aspects, and I don't feel that there are many mental differences. This entire venture, in fact, I sometimes feel is just me attempting to indulge in some sort of fantasy of being a changeling, as I hold them in high regard. That said, by examining the common pattern of my mind denying something, seeing it instead as an attempt at self-indulgence, particularly to the contrary of others' observations and input, I've decided that at least for now I am in fact a changeling, and am happy with this discovery. Luna told me a few names recently. I'm not sure they have any connection to me, but I think some of them definitely resonate to some extent. Of course, it could simply be due to my high regard for the things she says, but who knows, right? I've found that I far excel when I'm helping others. That's when I feel at my best, for certain; giving others comfort, talking with them, reassuring them, trying to give the amateur help I can give. I don't want to say it's my calling, but it's certainly something I find makes me a better pony than otherwise. I suppose that sums up what I've wanted to share lately, so I'll close this entry for now. Who knows, perhaps soon Sylvin will be able to start making her own entries . Yours in Harmony, Kaerea Shine - Evening Changeling
  23. So, a few questions came to my mind tonight, and I'd be happy if I could have some answers from those who're a little experienced in these matters. When using file based hypnosis such as the kind offered here, would ones' tulpa be affected similarly to the host that is using the file? Would a tulpa be able to use a file without the host feeling its effects? As well, is it a bad idea to do hypnosis files like the ones here when your tulpa is still in one of the various stages of development?
  24. I do apologize in advance if today's journal seems a little disjointed or nonsensical. I'm currently sitting in a lecture, and after a bit over five hours in a row of coding, I feel like my brain is mush, and I simply cannot focus on this course. I will catch up once I feel like a sentient being again, not to worry. It has been roughly three days since my last session, and roughly a week and a half since my last good session with the Twilight file. I have been occasionally looping, but I feel that the progress I've made, at least as far as visualization goes, has diminished. That said, I don't feel I'm any less psychologically like Twilight Sparkle than I ever was. I am glad of one thing the file goes over; it's helping me more properly appreciate my friends, in all cases... I do love you all, so very much. Thank you, just for being. [i really do apologize for him, he gets like this sometimes. Please be patient with him, thank you.] As far as progress with Sylvin goes, things are far better! As many of you who have been in IRC lately may know, it turns out she's a metal-head, perhaps even more than myself. She has a form now, even if she hasn't really synced her personality with it yet. We keep meaning to get to it, but something has been coming up every day since we finished working on it. Also, clothes need to happen too. Hopefully, I'll feel up to a session tonight. If not, maybe later. Til then, everypony, stay harmonious~ - Kaerea, exhausted Unicorn-to-be
  25. Well, tonight was both the best and worst night I've had in a very long time. To spare the details (as they are somewhat personal): After being worried about tulpaforcing for various reasons, including seeing myself as unfit due to the fear of the possible negative consequences, breaking into a circle of self-hate, sobbing, and anger, I was verbally slapped in the face in my own mind. The exact words were: [Would you shut the -snip- up about yourself already? please!], meant in a sort of, 'snap out of it' way. After thinking it was a false start, and having the answer to a request for even one word of signification be [why?], it turns out I now share my mind with another consciousness. Yes fillies and gentlecolts, you read that right; due to a massive mental/emotional breakdown, a tulpa forced its way into the forefront of my mind with a very well defined personality. Though I'm not the best at hearing her, I'd like to introduce everypony to Sylvin, my tulpa. No idea what her form is yet, but I think we're leaning towards something along the lines of fae creatures. Green-tinged, certainly. Until I get better at hearing her, or she ends up being able to possess my hands and fingers (whichever comes first), I won't be transcribing much for her on the forums, however short stuff in chat is more than doable. Thankfully, she's agreed to at least let me follow through on the Twilight hypnosis files I've been going through (personally, I think she's just planning on pranking or flustering me when I get there... she's somewhat unrestrained, sarcastic, and possibly a teeeeensy tiny bit of a prankster, we'll see.), so journals should eventually continue. - Kaerea, Twilight in Training Approved by Sylvin p.s. Sylvin says hi.