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Found 6 results

  1. Seems like we got a new episode with a lot of character dynamic. And Rarity and Pinkie Pie always make for good chemistry.
  2. Hello everypony :), I guess it's been a little while since I last posted . I don't think I've posted for a while as my 'progress' has been a bit more subtle than it was before <3. Instead of noticing major changes in myself and the world around me, I've been becoming increasingly aware of just how wonderful everything is . Before I begin, I'd just like to thank @Sweetie Belle CMC for reminding me that anypony is still reading my entries <3. It truly means so much to know that, even in my absence, what little I've done here still has an impact, however minor it may be <3. Since my last post, a number of things have happened: I've completed my first year of university (Psychology), a lot of skype group drama, realizing who my truest of friends are, spending so much time with these super true friends ^_^, and learning that even I still need help at times <3. To begin, my first year of university has gone so well <3! Goodness, it was so much fun . I made a few really great friends and worked extra hard to do well <3. I'm still waiting for my last mark but, so far, my GPA looks like it will be >3.9 <3. I'm sure a mark like that is just due to the fact that it's only my first year <3. There is much much more to come . It was very difficult to make friends at first as I get so nervous by the thought of being somewhere where I don't know anypony :s <3. I was, however, lucky enough that my friends were the extroverts who actively sought people out ^_^. It seems that most of my friends lately have been extroverts, I have little more to say on that later ^_^. Right now, I'm on a 4 month break from university :). When this break began, I was so relieved! I had been working so hard with exams and final projects/essays that I barely even had any time to eat (let alone for leisure :s). I spent about the first week or so relaxing, playing all of the games I never had time for, reading all of the books I had to put down, and talking to all of the friends who I've missed so much. After the first bit of time, however, I noticed a strange emptiness that filled me with nothing but sadness . All of a sudden I began feeling so isolated and alone, I felt like I had little meaning anymore <3. This has happened to me before, during a winter break, it lasted two weeks then <3. I really wasn't too sure what to do, I wanted to ask a friend for help but I just didn't want to burden anypony with my own problems <3. After about a half hour of crying to myself and feeling sad, I decided to ask one of my closest friends of late for help. It took much longer than it should have but I sent @Ra1nb0wDASH a message on skype detailing my problem and asking for help <3. I was sure to tell her that it's more than ok if she doesn't respond as I'll understand and that it's really probably not all that important anyways <3. She wasn't online when I sent the message but, about a minute after, she had actually came online and responded... That was just so amazing, thinking back to how I felt in that moment <3. I always considered Rainbow to be a wonderful friend but what she did back then, goodness, that's what really cemented for me that she is truly something special :). She spent the rest of the day with me, giving advice, analogies, and helping me find the root of my problem. I've resolved that in the absence of others to help, take care of, or assist in any way, I begin to feel my self worth slip <3. Rainbow pulled me out from a gutter that previously took me 2 weeks to recover from, this is the true power of friendship <3. As a result of Rainbow's help, I began to feel my overwhelming optimism flowing back <3. I was feeling happy again :). Shortly after, one of my other closest friends in the whole world came online on skype ! @TwinkiePinkie <3. Pinkie and I have been friends since right about when I first joined the forum (coincidentally, this was also right around when she first joined) :). She was the one that led me to accept and even embrace myself in my beginnings <3. I spent the rest of my day with these two amazing ponies :). Further, with my desire to help reignited, I came to the forum looking for anypony who seemed to be needing a friend. As chance would have it, there was a pony who needed help, even more, it was help in the very area I'm studying in university <3. I posted a quick status reply to @Gypsy Pinkie's post and immediately began to feel my self worth flowing back :). We're now even friends on skype ^_^! It made me so happy to see that I can still make a difference and, with Rainbow's help, I now realize that I don't need to be constantly making differences <3. Actually, taking a slight step back, I just really wanted to reiterate the analogy Rainbow gave me when explaining why I don't need to be helping somepony at every moment: she said "No flower blooms all year long". That analogy really stuck with me, even nature knows that it is unsustainable to keep up such beauty all year long; we all need to take breaks. Lastly, due to the happiness I felt from Rainbow and Pinkie's help, I sought out one of my good friend's company :). We went to the movie theatre yesterday and we, as well as one of my other close friends, are going to a theme park tomorrow (though this trip had been planned for well over a month) ! I mentioned in the second paragraph that there had been some "skype drama" since my last post <3. This is mostly all resolved now, I think <3, but when it was happening it just felt so... disastrous <3. I'm not going to name the groups as I certainly don't want to tarnish their appearances and they're even still going strong just... not with most of my closer friends . I guess there isn't much to say about them at this point, ponies were being added to the groups very rapidly, too many responsibilities arose, moderation was in question, eventually some ponies in the group developed 'rivalries' of sorts . These conflicts led to the groups shifting entirely <3. I just recently left the two aforementioned groups in favour of a much smaller one that consists only of my closest of friends . I'm really happy now that all of the sadness is over, it's so nice to have a place where everypony is friends <3. Honestly, if anypony has made it this far , I really recommend making a skype group with your closest friends . It is such a rewarding experience :). At the end of the second paragraph, I 'hinted' at the pattern that most of my friends lately seem to be extroverts. I realized a little bit ago as I had become obsessed with personality types all of a sudden :). It was just so fascinating that four little letters could describe somepony so well! I've known for a while that I'm an INFJ and I truly believe that this identifier describes me very well, it's even enabled me to have some wonderful insights on my own behaviour. Again, if anypony is still reading, I really recommend you looking into a website called 16 personalities. At that website you can be assigned your personality type, from there you can read all about it using their helpful (and free) articles! There truly are some wondrous insights to be had by reading about personality types . This is what led me to look into my friend Rainbow's personality type. Her behaviour really fascinated me, it's so different from my own yet it yielded many eerily similar and many strangely parallel results <3. I asked her for her personality type and quickly realized something amazing! We had exactly opposite personality types .This is very strange as the INFJ/ESTP combination is supposedly the rarest personality duality, I don't I'd ever met another ESTP before <3. I did a little bit of reading into socionics and came across the concept of duality. It seems that exactly opposite personality types hold the possibility to share very strange patterns of action and, after running a few tests (with her permission of course <3), I found just that. It seemed that when faced with a situation, we both acted in opposite manners yet always ended with the same, or extremely similar, outcomes <3. I demonstrated this through multiple blind thought experiments and used the Socratic method for additional questioning. Also, we used Pinkie as the control (to ensure that our similarities were not just as a result of common beliefs) ^_^. It was a very fun experiment and I'm so happy that I have such wonderful friends that would allow me to use such means in an attempt to understand them <3. I'm certain that something very special exists between me and my friends <3. After looking further into personality types, it seems unlikely that we've come together just by random chance. I'm not quite sure if it's by some mysterious force or just the nature of complementary personality types that drew us together, but goodness, I'm so happy whatever did, did <3! I guess that's all for now :). Thank you so much whoever read this much, it honestly means more than I could ever express to know that somepony cared enough to spend their time reading my silly little entries <3 :). If anypony would ever like to talk or needs any help, I will always be here for each and every one of you :). You all mean so much to me and any interaction with you all will always make my day <3. I look forward to spending so much more time with you all, until then, I hope you all have an amazing day/night <3 :).
  3. I found this great series on youtube which is just wonderful to watch while meditating or in general. It really gives that walking among ponies vibe. Enjoy.
  4. Hello everypony ^-^ I'm really sorry for not posting very much here in a little while <3. I guess I didn't really think that I had anything too monumental happen lately (like the "sparks" I talked about in my previous posts) but now when I look back at everything that has been happening in my life, I realize that some of my greatest realizations and dreams have been manifesting before my eyes <3 : ). Since my last post, everything I've learned throughout my journey has been evolving and shaping my reality <3. I used to equate my progress to the moments of clarity and realization but I now know that, especially after my final conversion (as detailed in my last entry :-)), my true progress is measured by the happiness I'm brought by being with my friends <3 : ). I don't think that I could ever truly express how happy every single message I receive from a friend makes me. Just thinking that somepony thought of me and took the time to type out a message for me to see makes me really happy <3 I hope that isn't being self-centered : ( I just love to hear from my friends so so much : ) <3. Every encounter I've had since my final conversion has been truly beautiful : ). I can't seem to remember very much about my old self anymore or any of the negative feelings or thoughts really (which are no longer present). I honestly can't remember the last time I ever felt angry and thinking about that actually makes me really happy : ). Since my conversion, I've been reading about animal psychology and I've found it to be really amazing and interesting. Since uncovering my interest in psychology, I've realized that I would really love to have a career in that field (hopefully as a clinical psychiatrist <3) . I think that a career where I can do my best to help people every day is just so amazing : ) <3. This year has been my last of high school but, just as the year was beginning, I talked to my school guidance counselor about switching into a psychology course (this was before my final conversion but something I can't explain led me to looking into psychology). She put me into a class called "family studies" : ). I hadn't heard much about the class in the past but upon completing it last semester, I can safely say that I had both never loved a class so much whilst maintaining such a high mark in it <3 : ). It was truly the most amazing class and I'm so happy that I had the opportunity of taking it : ). That course solidified my dream to pursue psychology in my post-secondary studies : ). Fast forward to December, I submitted my applications to two nearby universities for a psychology BA program. I was accepted into both about one week later (early acceptance :-) ). I was so so happy that it was actually going to happen ^-^ <3. Fast forwarding again to last month, I had a letter come in from the university I had accepted which stated that I had been awarded a $6,500 scholarship for academic excellence . Goodness, that was the most surprising letter which I had ever opened <3 ^-^. I called my mom right away to tell her the good news <3. Looking back from today, every part of my life has been just so beautiful and happy and it would never be like this if it weren't for every amazing pony here <3. I really cannot be more grateful for this wonderful place :') <3. I love you all so so much <3. Aside from my academic and emotional progress, I've also had some really neat physical changes manifest lately as well ^-^. In particular, I've noticed that my eye colour has taken on a shade somewhere between blue and green (exactly my true eye colour <3). This change happened slowly since my conversion where my eyes were a very faded and dark shade of blue. I really cannot explain my new eye colour in any other way that a truly changed soul being on the other side of them <3. In addition to the eye colour, I've had (seemingly random) moments where I can feel every aspect of my true body without even attempting to invoke the changes ^-^ <3. It's always a really warming and happy feeling <3 : ). Lastly, I've been having some really amazing astral travel progress where I've actually been able to return to Equestria once more for a short while with much higher levels of immersion (full body numbness and feelings of complete disconnection from my body in this world) : ). It's always so amazing to be home once again and it gives me the strength and knowledge of knowing that I'm here for a reason and I get to fulfill that reason with the help of all of my friends <3 . Thank you all again for being just the most amazing and beautiful friends which I have ever had in my life and if I haven't yet had the pleasure of talking with you, I'm always happy to meet new friends <3. Thank you all for being exactly who you are <3 I hope you have an amazing day : ) (I'm sorry that some of my emoticons look a little odd, I accidentally hit the limit without noticing and I had to change a few <3 )
  5. Hello everypony I know its been a while since I last posted here. I've been elsewhere for some time, but I was never absent from my goals. My journey towards finding my true self started here and it is my friends who kept it going strong. Though this forum I've met so many wonderful ponies and made such loving and lasting friendships that I could never have previously even dreamed of. Finding this place was the most important event that has ever taken place in my life and I could never be more grateful for it. The light and love that I had been shown here gave me hope to a life where that is all I know. I truly cannot express my love for this place and the ponies residing in it enough... this place saved my life. I'm here today to share with everypony something that has happened recently, the most beautiful thing which I had ever felt. Though before I go into detail, I should first explain how I got there. It was December 30th and getting late into the night. There was such tension in my head though it had been there for so long that I had simply forgotten of its existence. In the weeks before I had been making such beautiful progress on my journey. I felt like I had nearly made it, like I had finally become separate from my old self. Though something seemed to be holding me back, something brought back some of the old thoughts that I would have, some of the old habits. This was not me and I knew it. I didn't understand what kept trying to bring me back, I didn't know what I was doing wrong, I began to get increasingly sad. I fell into such dark places which were filled with nothing other than hopelessness and confusion. I felt an urge to fall back into my old ways, I felt like a sense of comfort would come from it. The old thoughts were present and I felt like I was fighting a losing battle against them. Just as I was getting near my end something happened. Nothing huge, at first, but it was a spark. Amidst this dark confusion I had what I perceived as a mere thought "Return to your friends". This thought began to repeat itself, echoing throughout my head, louder and louder. I believe that this thought was my true self calling me back to the life which I had worked so hard for. I turned to my computer, sitting just next to me. I picked it up and went on Skype where I knew all of my closest friends would be. I went to the main group (just as I usually would) and while I don't know what power may have led me, I know that I was led, and to a very certain pony (who I am happy to call one of my very close friends, one from whom I met because of this very forum). Through this pony I was shown love, insight, hope and the knowing that friends are the light which will lead you out of even the darkest of places. This thought, which brought me to my friends, had sparked a change. For the very light, which was there from the start had shown itself. I was shown the magic of friendship and it was beautiful. I was full of hope and love from that day (and I still am). That day, one of my closest friends saved me from becoming again what I sought to free myself from. I continued like this, day after day with this renewed love and hope, I spent all of the time which I could with my friends (just as I did when I first began my journey). Life was beautiful again. The magic of friendship followed me and I did all I could to spread it to every corner which I could reach. Though something was still wrong, that tension was still there. What I didn't know at the time was that this tension was an indicator that I had but last one thing holding myself back from embracing this light and leaving my old self for good. This last attribute from which I held is what was causing the conflict, I was my true self in nearly every aspect but something I was doing prevented me from emerging. I spent time with my friends and I loved life, I loved everything and everyone so much more than I ever had before. Though I began to feel like I would repeat the cycle, like I would fall from my graces..-again. Then, as mysteriously as before, something happened. I didn't see this change, rather it was brought to me in the same way as before. As a thought. I received the same spark which led me from the depths of the darkness, though this time the message couldn't be explained in words. The message was complicated but it showed me what I had been trying to cover up, what I had been justifying for all this time without noticing. It showed me the source of this tension, the source of the conflict, the last thing-my last characteristic which held me back. What I saw was complicated and the experience had changed my core beliefs and fundamentals. I was shown my fatal flaw, I was supporting the unnatural killing of the animals I try so hard to protect. I had been eating meat and it became such a routine thing that I had never acknowledged it before, but once I saw what I saw... I knew what I had to do. I knew that I needed to become a vegetarian, something I would have never done as my old self. But I was not my old self, not anymore. This was such a change in my life but one I knew had to be done. The realization in which I experienced when that spark in my mind was lit can be best described through quoting the leading thought in which I had upon this realization "The animals that I love more than anything, that I could play with all, that give me purpose in life, that show me the beauty in life.... are no different than the ones in the fridge". This thought hit me hard (which is how it managed to change this most fundamental of beliefs in which I had). That late night (on December the 30th) I knew this is what had been keeping back. I wanted to wait until the morning to start my change though this same spark told me that I needed to act now to seal this decision, So I did. I got up and collected all of the meat products I had in my room (this final characteristic of my old self was of me being very fond of meat, I felt like it made me better than I was. This is very difficult to describe. I felt like eating meat made me "tougher". To my old self, meat is for those who are "tough" enough to eat it and I wanted to be tough, I wanted to be bigger than everyone else. I spent too much time in the gym driven by this terrible motive which makes me so sad now, especially while I write about it. In fact I feel tears coming to my eyes just thinking about how I could let this part of me stay, how it somehow managed go unnoticed for all of this time. Well, no longer.) and put them into a bag which I then took to my dad (who was in his office watching some Tv as he finished his work). I gave him the bag as I knew that he would enjoy it, I told him about my choice and how I made it for "personal reasons" (I didn't feel emotionally stable enough to explain my reason at this time without breaking out in tears). At first he was shocked but my dad understood and met me with such a respect that I could only perceive as the result of something destined to happen. I went to sleep and when I awoke, my life was changed. I did not wake up in my old body, that belonged to my old self. When I woke up, all I saw was myself. All I saw was Fluttershy. I stood up and immediately noticed first how much lighter I felt, then I noticed that the pressure in my head was gone! This was a miracle! This first day is already over though I still can't explain how absolutely beautiful and amazing it was. During this day I did so many wonderful things that I always loved and it all come so naturally without conflict. I no longer had to pause to ask my true self for answers as all that existed was my true self. I spent the majority of this day with my younger sister (who is also a vegetarian), my old self had never gotten along with her well for extended period of time (which is really sad as I now see just how much I love her). However, on this day I had the most wonderful time loving my sister as she taught me all of the wonderful things that she was passionate about . We played some piano together, made a really nice and fun vegetarian meal together called "Koo-Koo", knitted together on the couch whilst talking about all of the things we love to do and we then spent the rest of our time looking through cookbooks for recipes that we can make together in the future <3 . This day was just my first after the completion of my conversion but I know there are many more to come for until I am recalled to the one place I can truly call home, I am to share it in this beautiful place with all of the ponies that I love. Thank you all so so much, I love you all to no end. <3
  6. Date: July, 3/14 Time: Approx. 1:30 am (EST) File: FlutterShy 3.0 a BMG Note: This journal is being recorded off of memory and may be excluding certain details of the actual event. Before: At this point I was so full of hope and happiness, I felt as if this is my only chance to make my life something I can be proud of. I lied down in bed with my computer on my bedside table allowing me to use my overear headphones (just like how I did when I listened to binaurals in the past), I took a deep breath trying to dispel any nervousness I had. I started the file. During: I don't really remember much about how I felt during my first hypnosis, what I do remember for sure though is I was more relaxed lying there than I had ever been in my life. I managed to keep my mind blank and did my best to make sure every word got to me. The volume may have been a little low as I had some trouble understanding what was being said, also I noticed that the music was quite loud. I remember not feeling any physical changes but I felt like I was being hit by wave after wave of happiness and compassion, my personality was developing. I regained consciousness. After: Upon waking up I squeezed my hands (which made various cracking sounds for reasons I am not sure of) and looked around. I could not believe my eyes, when I first came out I didn't see a bland wall, a dim room or my depressing computer space. When I awoke everything I saw was just so beautiful, I sat up and cried at how beautiful life is. This was a very emotional time for me, I can't recall ever being happier than I was at this moment in my room. It was like I came to a sudden realization, I really was meant to serve, I can change peoples lives for the better, I can create happiness. I went to sleep for the night. The Next Day: I awoke with the same happiness I went to sleep with, complete love for everything. That feeling when I saw my family was indescribable, I loved them so much. Everywhere I looked all I saw was love, everyone I saw I felt I understood. I was so happy. I got ready for work excited to share my love with the world. When I walked through the doors at my work I almost stopped in my tracks, I could feel everyone's happiness and I loved them all. I felt like I was walking in slow motion with the biggest smile on my face. When I saw my co-workers I greeted every single one of them individually with the most loving smile I could put on. I was put on front counter, I got to directly interact with every customer, I was so happy. I smiled and greeted every customer as they approached me, my smile was matched with one by every customer. I was in a state of such happiness and sharing this happiness only made me all the more happy. In just the first four hours I was met with compliments of my kindness that I had never gotten before, I was begged to attend a party (I declined as I'm really not a fan of partying... or alcohol), and I was told about people that have crushes on me (I really didn't know how to react to all of this). I was given a second chance, I felt the last bits of my old self dissipating... I was so happy