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  1. Um basically this happened, I'm rather tired so imma copy pasta it since thats easier <Tutti_Frutti> hi <Tutti_Frutti> i guess you are prolly still playing beta but something weird happened <Damarus[Dusk]> ? <Tutti_Frutti> like i um, have strong nonvisual attention now, and I remember briefly waking up and thinking with dream logic subconsciously or something, and looking out the window, and around my floor <Tutti_Frutti> just in case some sort of something was going to come out <Tutti_Frutti> and at one point I thought I knew I saw it, thus kept looking just in case <Tutti_Frutti> and was doing some weird dream logic counting <Tutti_Frutti> about seeing it <Tutti_Frutti> or something <Tutti_Frutti> where i had an image of 8-bit coins stacked almost like megaman's health in a megaman game but yellower and reminding me of bananas at one level <Tutti_Frutti> and the images are sorta hazy like my brain only stored a fraction of the information to recall <Tutti_Frutti> and i totally was on two hooves now that i think about it <Tutti_Frutti> like behaviorally <Tutti_Frutti> then i went straight to sleep into a weird -snip&#33;- dream/nightmare deal <Tutti_Frutti> then woke up <Tutti_Frutti> feeling like i was inhaling into the mattress til i sleep apnea'd awake or something but i have no damn idea <Tutti_Frutti> lol <Tutti_Frutti> wtf <Tutti_Frutti> then i got paranoid like 5 10 minutes trying to come online til i calmed down <Tutti_Frutti> totally doesnt help that i forgot my bluelight, but i notice when i went to the bathroom i was constantly doing affirmations <Tutti_Frutti> and time seems slower passing <Tutti_Frutti> and i was not moving my eyes during that time <Tutti_Frutti> like a REM sleep thing <Tutti_Frutti> i slapped myself on the cheeks to wake up more fully So I'm not sure what kind of help I need, mostly reassurance, opinions, and ideas. I'm too tired to think thoroughly right now. I want to be in control of my mind though, so it bothers me there may have been some moments where I wasn't all there, and Idk but I may have sleep walked as well. But I'm also being rather biased right now. I'm tired, I would prefer help now but in chat no one really had anything to say, understandably lol. What I did was I basically tried to wonder just before bed which ponies I would want to be, and tried staying awake to do it but I was too much in a sleeping posture to actually stay awake. Also afterwards when I went to get some water my mind was running a mile a minute and it was all thoughts similar to affirmations but not obvious, so I started to rephrase them all in my mind in a more relaxing way to chill out. I know its totally my fault though, but idk I know a part of me wanted changes before I went to bed as it was being discussed in chat. But what the heck.
  2. So. Tonight, at 11:47, I received this message: "Hi it's [redacted]'s dad, do you know where she went tonight or who she was with? it's really important"(I should note that he's trans FtM). At this point, I got worried. I called him and it went straight to answer machine. Worry increases. I text him. No response. I begin to get a little bit more than concerned. I ask around a few friends and no-one knew where he was. Panic begins to set in. for the first time I notice his skype status update, "Emil no one -snip&#33;-ing cares about you just kill yourself" Fear, panic and at least seventeen other emotions surge into my brain at once." I log onto the chat to see if anypony knows what to do. I was beginning to hyperventilate. And then I realize what my favorite thing about this site is. How Goddamn supportive the other ponies on this site is. I really can't thank the ponies online at the time enough. Whilst online there, no-one else knew where the hell he was. Being missing for at least an hour now, I was hyperventilating, losing feeling in my legs, hands, feet and I was crying. I called him and left a crying Paul message. At this point, the chat had moved towards the thought of calling the police and I was... well. almost recovering. The ability to meditate and breath correctly definitely helped me. When I remembered to actually breathe. Eventually, someone told me he was finally home and within femtoseconds I asked if he was home via skype. He almost instantly responded and quite possibly the biggest grin in the planet spread across my face. I was so happy. So to conclude. Thank you all the ponies on chat for helping me, Thank you Emil for keeping meup until 2AM and f**k you Emil's parents for not supporting him